Did I just sprain my butt and nearly die?

So, kind of having a day. Realized this morning I was going to come up a little bit short in my account before payday on Friday. (No shame in admitting that – I know I’m not the only one who goes through this occasionally.) I wanted to get to the bank when they opened at 9:30. So, with other things already packed into my schedule, I had to give up my normal Wednesday morning Wii step workout in order to get a shower and get to the bank on time. I figured it was still early in the day. I’d try to find a way to squeeze in some kind of walk or other workout.

I have had to do a lot of on-site interviews the past couple weeks, which means leaving my puppy in her crate. I didn’t have any interviews scheduled today, and I didn’t want to put her in her crate for such a short amount of time. So I packed Posey into the car with some treats and a chew toy. She was a little antsy but does pretty well in the car. She likes to sit in the passenger seat and usually checks out the view while we drive. I pull up to the drive-through window and realize I’m a little farther away than I should be. But I drop my deposit into the little drawer thingie and the lady takes it. When she comes back with my receipt, she says, “Here’s some treats for your puppy.” They have a little bowl that fits in the drawer and, like many businesses in the town where I live, they give out dog treats if you go through the drive-through and they notice your dog in the car. (They also give you lollipops if they see you have kids in the car, which I decline. But how about me? Can I just get a skinny decaf sugar free mocha while I’m waiting? No? Hmm, OK … )

Anyway, I couldn’t reach the treats in the little drawer thingie. So I scooted over a little. And a little more. Reaching …. still can’t reach it. My dog is about to climb over me because she heard the word treats and the lady in the bank is smiling at her. So I finally lift my rump off the seat and lean over as far as I can, while trying to keep my dog off me. And in doing so, I think I pulled my right glute muscle. Sort of twinged at first. But I got the treats and Posey happily chomped them up. I drove off. But not before realizing that the little zipper bag of treats I’d shoved in my left jacket pocket had fallen out. And spilled. All over the floor, between my seat and the door. So now my car smells like dog treats. Awesome. And my butt hurts. Really awesome.

Next, I needed to put some gas in my car. I pull up to the pump and take my time gathering up as many treats as I can. Posey can see that I have food in my hand and she’s getting wound up. I realize I will have to open the door to get them all. And when I do, more spill onto the ground, some underneath my car. I get out and try to pick up as many as I can. I crouch down and realize the right side of my butt is now on fire. But I don’t want to be that lady who leaves a pile of dog treats all over the ground at the town gas station, so I stay down there, buns a-blazin’, and pick them up. Finally, I take the treats and give them to Posey, which she chows down as soon as they hit the seat.

Then I go and pay the attendant in his little cashier house (or whatever you call it) situated between the pump stations. He asks what I was doing and when I tell him, he offers me more dog treats. I take one and he says, “Take a few.” So I do, figuring Posey has already finished what I gave her by the time I dragged my sore butt over there. I say thank you and start to walk away. He says something that I can’t hear, so I turn around. And as I do a little pickup comes speeding up to the pump next to the cashier. And I mean speeding. This guy had to be going about 25 or 30. That may not seem very fast, but it is when you are in the path of a car going that fast and don’t have anywhere to go. He was about 30 yards away from me. I looked the driver in the eye. He was an older man, probably in his 70s or 80s. We made eye contact. I stopped in my tracks and then tried to back up as quickly as possible. Except I was up against the wall of the cashier house. He finally came to a stop about a foot away from me. I could’ve reached out and touched the hood of his pickup. Why he thought it was necessary to drive that fast up to a gas pump was beyond me, but whatever.

My first five or six thoughts … I can’t repeat here for fear of offending anyone who doesn’t use profanity. But eventually, I realized he may have been a veteran and as my elder, he still deserved my respect. Even if he’d almost run me and my broken ass down. So I didn’t say anything. It was super awkward, though, because I still had to pump gas and so did he, right across from where I was pumping my own gas.

I got in the car and reached into the back seat to put my receipt in my purse. As I did, I saw the man pumping his gas, looking at me. It looked like he was realizing what he’d almost done and was sorry. Or maybe he wasn’t, but I’m gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and go with that. I tried to smile at him, even though part of me was thinking, “Slow the f*&# down and pay attention, you moron!” In the end, I knew this would only make me more stressed and wouldn’t help the situation, so I just let it go and thanked my lucky stars that he didn’t run me over. Then I drove home with Posey, who gave me a big lick in the face when I presented her with more treats.

It took a while to get my heart out of my throat. As I got out of the car, I realized my right glute was now really tight and sore. I’m sure I tensed up when that guy almost hit me, and probably moved pretty awkwardly to get out of his way. So … the last thing I wanted to do was a step workout after that! But, I’m grateful to be alive. I’m still sore and I imagine I will be for a while. This is the kind of freak injury that only happens to me. And my hotass in crime, Sue, aka MrsFatass.

In a little while, I’ll take Posey for a walk and see if I can get my step count back on track. Then when my son has baseball practice tonight, I’ll walk on the track next to the field where he practices. That should take care of my step count and, more or less, make up for the lost workout. And with any luck at all, I can get through the rest of the day without further injury or near-death experiences.